James Van Der Beek Shares Heartfelt IG Post About Wife's Miscarriage

Miscarriages are so much more common than we think.  There's a lot of women who deal with their grief in silence, not speaking out about the pain and, often times, guilt, that comes along with a miscarriage. 

A 2015 CBS News study found that almost half of women say they felt guilty after a miscarriage, 41% said they felt the did something wrong, and 28% felt ashamed. 

We shouldn't feel this way.  We shouldn't feel ashamed.  It takes a lot of prayer to come to terms with what has happened to you.  In fact, I completely understand all those feelings, because I've had one myself.  It's heartbreaking, and you feel like your body failed you.  

It's so refreshing to see someone talk about this in such a manner, and not only that, but from the dad's viewpoint.  Sometimes, we forget that they lost a child, too. 

James, thank you for your eloquent words.  

"Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages... of which we’ve had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off - we need a new word for it. “Mis-carriage”, in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to “carry.” From what I’ve learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn’t do. So let’s wipe all blame off the table before we even start.Second... it will tear you open like nothing else. It’s painful and it’s heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don’t judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it’s rightful space. And then... once you’re able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards - you’ve been warned 😍). I’ve heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents... but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way... Along with a new word for this experience. #miscarriage#WeNeedANewName#MoreCommonThanYouHearAbout"

 

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